| Is Your Child's Teacher a Bully? |
Mary M. Alward | Nov 2006
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We’ve all heard about kids being bullied by peers. Kids taunt, tease, pull hair, shove and push each other on a daily basis. In recent years, schools have taken steps to stop bullying and many have a zero tolerance level for any type of peer harassment. But what if your child’s teacher is the bully? New research shows that 2% of children are bullied by a teacher sometime in their elementary or middle school years.
Most teachers are caring and compassionate. They became teachers in order to make a difference in the lives of their pupils. However, some teachers, for one reason or another, take a dislike to a child in their class and pick on them on a daily basis. Such an occurrence can have a long-lasting effect on your child’s academic experience and turn his school year into a nightmare. The effects of teacher bullying doesn’t usually end when your child leaves the teacher’s class. It’s something that can stay with him his entire life.
Student Abuse
Teachers who are bullies treat their victims much the same as a schoolyard bully. They humiliate the child in front of his classmates, abuse him verbally and make threats of physical harm or of giving low academic grades. The teacher may center your child out by “making an example” of him and insisting he stand in a corner. Possibly the teacher heaps homework on your child for “punishment” of some minor infraction. There are many different ways that a teacher can bully students.
Suffering in Silence
Chances are if your child is being bullied by a teacher he won’t say anything. Boys are more apt to suffer in silence than girls. Boys feel they should be able to “take it” and fear being teased by their peers if they tell. Your child may also fear retaliation by the teacher if he says anything about what is happening. Remember, a teacher is a figure of authority and kids think that there’s nothing that can be done if their teacher acts inappropriately.
Signs of Teacher Bullying
When a teacher bullies kids, it is a very traumatic experience for them to go through. They are embarrassed and humiliated and have no idea what steps they can or should take to stop it. They often say nothing, but there are signs that you can watch for:
· Headaches, stomachaches and nightmares that occur frequently.
· Loss of interest in school.
· Negative behavior.
· A resistance to attending school.
· Self-Deprecating remarks.
· Complaints of being picked on by the teacher.
· Complains of being constantly yelled at.
· Complaints of being humiliated by the teacher.
· Complaints of a teacher being rude, making sarcastic remarks or being disrespectful.
Solutions
If you feel your child’s teacher may be bullying him, don’t stoop to that level. Stay calm and keep an open mind. Approach the situation in a manner that will result in a peaceful but appropriate solution.
· Call a meeting between the teacher, the principal and yourself.
· State the problem in a calm and courteous voice.
· Listen to the teacher’s side of the story. Possibly your child has misinterpreted the teacher’s actions. Give him/her the benefit of the doubt and keep a sharp eye to see if the problem reoccurs.
· Leave a paper trail. Record the dates of all meetings and the results. Write out your concerns and make copies for the teacher and principal. This lets all parties know that you are serious about resolving the issue. Keep all correspondence in a file that is easily accessible.
· Go higher. If the situation isn’t resolved after the meeting, take it a step higher. At this point a copy of all meetings and correspondence should be sent to the school board of the Superintendent of Schools. Call in advance to find out his/her name and address the issue directly to them. Contacting the school board or the Superintendent of Schools is well within the rights of both you and your child.
· Never ignore an instance of teacher bullying. It won’t stop unless you make the teacher aware that you know what is happening and make a commitment to ascertain that it stops. Ignoring a teacher who bullies students allows the practice to continue, which places your child under a great deal of stress. This can inadvertently cause your child to become a bully on the playground or in the community. It is his way of releasing some of the stress that he’s under.
· Show your child that bullying of any kind, even if by a teacher, is wrong. This lets your child know that you listen to his concerns and take his well-being seriously. Giving your child the support that he needs, will have enormous benefits to both you and your child.
Prevent Teacher Bullying
One way to prevent teacher bullying is to visit your child’s school often and start a relationship with your child’s teacher early in the school year. Volunteer in your child’s classroom. If you notice that your child’s teacher has a tendency to bully students, meet the challenge head-on and report the incident to the principal. Remember, a teacher’s rights end when your child’s rights, or any other child’s rights, are being infringed upon.
If you suspect a teacher at your child’s school is bullying students, step up to the plate and put an end to it immediately. You can make a difference in yours or another child’s life by teaching them that bullying of any kind or by any one is an act of cowardice and is not to be tolerated.
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| Review By: |
Anonymous |
| Article Grade: |
A+ |
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We are dealing with this very issue right now. I was happy to see that many of the steps we have taken are listed in this article. Parents need to take time to listen and discover what is truly happening in the classroom! |
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| Review By: |
Sandy Wilson |
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A+ |
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We had this happen last year but the final outcome was that the teacher denied everything and nothing was done. It was said that things were misunderstood. So students don't have a chance. |
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| Review By: |
ANONYMOUS |
| Article Grade: |
A+ |
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I AM GOING THOUGH THIS ISSUE NOW WITH A TEACHER.SHE DENIED SHE IS DOING IT MY SON WAS NOT SLEEPING.SO I WENT TO THE DOC'S AND NOW HE HAS TO GO AND SEE A DOCTOR AT TH HOSPITAL NOW THOUGH HER,BUT I'M GLAD TO SEE THAT WHEN I READ THIS ARTICLE IT WAS EVERYTHING I DONE SO THANK YOU FOR THE ADVICE. |
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| Review By: |
Anonymous |
| Article Grade: |
A+ |
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We we are going through this with the girls basketball team, their coach makes the girls cry a regualr basis |
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| Review By: |
Anonymous |
| Article Grade: |
A+ |
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Thank you for the advice. I think this article is very good but I must say that until you are going through this, you cannot possibly know just how upsetting this is. I had the added stress of being at a private school and found the principle and social worker totally on the teachers side. They wouldn't even acknowledge the hearing problem my son was having. I was not sure what to believe until two other moms approached me about the abusive behavior the same teacher gave their children years prior. Anyway the bring home point I want to make- to every parent is- listen/watch your child. If you see behavior changes in his/her sleep, eating, urination, social interactions etc. be concerned. This particular teacher has a history of picking on one or two children per class and other parents swear that this teacher is great. The final decision was made to move my child into another school and then he began to truely confide in us what was going on. He stated that the teacher told him she was going to harm him. He is in first grade and never did I have problems with him in this school before. I also witnessed the teachers behavior myself but because of a political association she feels she is above the law. It is a very dangerous situation. Also in a private catholic school you will have no recourse but to move your child out of the environment. So he has now lost his friends, his community and has to attend a different program at another church for religious instruction. Even cub scouts will have to end. There is no one that will listen or do something and yet I consider myself fortunate because I have a public school that he can attend that is quite good academically. I will be thankful to leave this experience way behind me. |
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| Review By: |
Anonymous |
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A+ |
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We are currently in the throws of a situation where my son is being picked on by a teacher. I met with the teacher She was defensive and had 2 other teachers with her at the meeting. My advice is to try to take someone with you to any meetings.The teachers these days are so busy protecting themselves they will double team you with no warning. The politics at the schools is not always in the best interest of the child but more for their own jobs. I am currently trying to get my son into a private school but the teacher who began the difficulty will not give him a recommendation and claims she never received the form. I find this untruthful because another teacher did get the form and had no problem recommending my son. My son is an honor roll student with a good disposition. |
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| Review By: |
Concerned Aunt |
| Article Grade: |
A+ |
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I have a niece and nephew who have been raised by a single Father. Their Mother has battled a drug problem all of their life and has spent time in jail. If this isn't enough for these children to have to deal with, my niece just recently shared with me a very sad story. She said to me MY Teacher's hate me. She shared with me some untrue comments written on her report card that hurt her feelings and she stated that if she asked the teacher about them she would only write her up for "back talking". People, these are the leaders that we put our faith in and our children's lives in everyday. People that we hold in high regards and teach our children to trust and respect. To the Teacher's who truly care and are doing their jobs because they care about not only the education of our Children but the well being of them, as well, I commend you and thank you. For those of you who are intimidating children and bullying them, shame on you. Not only do these children have to deal with not having a Mom present in their life, their Dad works an extended distance from the home and can't take these children to/from school and the school makes them walk 1.2 miles to and from school even if it's snow on the ground and 12 degrees outside. I'm not sure this is right and am currently trying to find out about this. Sad world we live in when we can't even trust our Educational Systems to take care of our children. |
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| Review By: |
Anonymous |
| Article Grade: |
A+ |
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Thank you, this article will help when we meet with the bullying teacher. She bullies with grades; saying our child did not turn assignments in, when she has. We have had to photocopy her work to prove she did it. And here we go again, we just got a voice message on our home phone, Friday night before a school break, in which she says (in a very happy voice), that our daughter is failing the class(she is an A/B student) and then at the end of the message she says, "Have a wonderful vacation!!!" I think she was hoping we would punish her over the break. But what if my teen was unstable or suicidal? I did worry about her, she cried that night, saying, "Why does she hate me, Mom?" When we looked at her grades online, her score was so low because the teacher failed to enter a grade for a huge project (a presentation) that the whole class witnessed her do. She worked so long on this paticular project I was so proud of her when she showed it to me. I am so frustrated! I will try to keep my cool when we meet with this teacher. It's so difficult to watch your child's spirit destroyed by an adult we have told her to respect and trust! |
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| Review By: |
Mom Of a Son |
| Article Grade: |
A+ |
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Great story! I thought we were the only one going throw this. Its hard because it is a group of 4 teachers. Im tring like hell to stop this but little support from higher ups. Sometimes my son is not the golden student and its hard , but believe me I will keep tring and one of these days , it will come back to bite those mean teachers in the ass and I hope Im there when those teachers are ask to leave the shool. I hope it happens before they really do some damage to some kids. It would be mine becausw Im watching and listening to my son everyday. |
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| Review By: |
not again |
| Article Grade: |
A+ |
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Its time parents come together to stop student abuse.We need to make everyone aware of this problem in schools today.Schools should be held accountable for what teachers do to our children.This is my son second year going of dealing with his bully teacher.The abuse has to stop.I need help anyone have any ideas how to go public with this long over looked problem.E-MAIL me at stopstudentabuse@hotmail.com |
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Luis W Richards |
| Article Grade: |
A+ |
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It is so important to remember that children are all brought up the same. It is hard to take a mixture of children where some have parents that don't care and the parents that are hands on and make sure there children behave and do what is right. Peer pressure can go in both directions bad to good and vice versa. What some parents feel might be a teacher that is a bully, another parent might feel enough is not being done. This is an excellent article on the differences in teaching practices and what to watch for and how to handle it. But on the same hand be fair to the staff that is working so hard to teach the students. I am very glad to see it and congratulations to the person who created it. |
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| Review By: |
jazmine |
| Article Grade: |
A+ |
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i love this article
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| Review By: |
Alice |
| Article Grade: |
A+ |
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We have also dealt with a teacher who uses humiliation as "punishment". For example..she sprays water in the faces of children who talk too much, she makes children stand in front of peers to read a note written to their parents, for the class to critique and add more, she calls the minority children in the class "stupid"! These are only a few things. So my husband and I called a meeting with the teacher and Principal. At the meeting, the teacher denied everything, even after we reported that we had talked with other parents, who had also confirmed some of these things. The Principal implied that our son was "making it all up". The meeting was extremely frustrating. The Principal told us that this teacher had been with the school for "many" years and this was something that they had a hard time "believing" that she was capable of doing. In conclusion..nothing was accomplished. I have lost so much respect for the school system. Teachers are in high demand..therefore it doesn't matter who we hire and those that have tenure seem to be protected from ANY complaints against them! So many of us wonder why the world is in such turmoil..maybe it's because..our children are being TAUGHT to be bullies, have no integrity and do whatever it takes to get ahead. So sad... |
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| Review By: |
Anonymous |
| Article Grade: |
A+ |
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We are having these same problems with the school that my 2 children are going too. Most of it is with the super-intendent, who was the elementary principle to start with. Our daughter was terrified to go to lunch in the kdg, because a lunch room monitor was harrassing her during meal time. We tried to take these steps. My son who was in the 4th gr. at the time had even witnessed what was going on to his sister. A meeting was held where 2 teachers & the principle were all present and pretty much ganged up on my son. To make him look like he was the one who had the problem. This year my daughter is in the 2nd grd. & writing was found on a bathroom wall at school. The walls had been written on long before my children ever attended that school. The then principle who is now the super intendent put all the blame onto my 7 yr old. Who by the way has a bladder reflux & has to see a urologist on a reg basis. Which the school is very aware of. But to the point they singled her out and refuse to let her go to the bathroom unless she goes to the office each time she needs to go, gets a note, goes to another classromm and has an escort to go to the bathroom. So she has been coming home from school with stomache aches & now is having accidents because she doesn't want to be embarrassed in front of everyone by having an escort to go with her. She feels she is being treated differently ..which she is. She is 7 and has had perfect grades & loves school except for this. We are seriously thinking of up rooting our children & putting them into a different school, because we do not know what else can be done. |
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| Review By: |
Mom of a Daughter |
| Article Grade: |
A+ |
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We too are dealing with a teacher that is bullying our child. It has been devasting to go to watch our daughter go through the stress and anxiety that this teacher has put her through. The teacher denies the abuse of course, the principal & the asst. superintendent says it is my daughter's perception of the problem, but neither will talk to her about any of the problems in the classroom and this is now the middle of March! I asked for a counselor to sit down with the teacher and my daughter to find out about this perception she has and was told that the school didn't have one, which I know isn't true. It is obvious they don't want anything documented. Now my child is having serious anxiety problems and is seeing a doctor. The doctor is very concerned about her, which scares me and wrote a letter requesting she be removed from this team for health reasons. I hired a lawyer to deliver the letter and 2 weeks later we still haven't heard anything. In fact the principal told me today when I asked for the 4th time if he could please include some grades on the web that the teacher was holding back since this was the end of the qtr., that I have been badgering the teachers and that they are not treating my child unfairly. The principal has never met with my daughter! The school dist.'s idea of conflict resolution is to grin and bear it! What other avenue do parents have if the district will not respect a doctor's written order or a lawyer's letter? If your child does not have an IEP, you do not have any safety net to fall back on - you are on your own! Should I just take her out of school? I read some of the other reviews and swear this has to be the same teacher. Denying remarks that she makes, switching the story all around, intimidating, grading her hard, missing homework assignments. This all started in December when the principal overrode a due date - he said she would be mad at him for a few days but she would get over it. I don't think she ever got over it! Now I'm told by the principal I can't have any communication with the teacher and I haven't done anything to warrant such a request. I feel helpless that my child is in a classroom that I don't know what is going on and a principal that backs up the teacher! |
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| Review By: |
Mom of 4 |
| Article Grade: |
A+ |
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I wish I had read this 2 years ago when my son first had the teacher my daughter now has! It has been a living hell this year. My daughter has came home crying, willing to give up her friends to go to a different school so she would not have to deal with this teacher. We have gone to the principal as well as the board 2 years ago, but nothing happens. She has humiliated my daughter by telling the classroom her grades, and telling her in front of everyone that she doesn't need to play with her friends, that she should be working on her failing grades.(My daughter was a B student until this year.) I have now come to the conclusion that since the school will not help us that I am planning on filing formal child abuse charges for the verbal abuse my child has endured.
Thank you for this article. |
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| Review By: |
Mary |
| Article Grade: |
A+ |
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I personally went through twice in school. Once by my 8th Grade Governement teacher & once by my English teacher my Freshman year in high school. My mom managed, with Pinciple Wolf's help, to get the Governemnt teacher to stop. My mom banded together with the mothers of 2 other students in the classroom & the Princple to stop the English teacher harrassament. Intitally, when I told my mom about the English teacher & my mom began her efforts to make the harrassament stop, the teachers bullying got worse. In the end, my mom & the other 2 mom's nearly had the teacher fired. The only reason she wasn't fired was because she had tennur (ten year, what ever that is called. I heard no more stories about this teacher doing the same to other students so hopefully, she stopped it.My mom took many of the smae steps you listed in your article as well as she tape recorded each meeting. This was in 1985. Hopefully, I will never have this problem with my girls, but if I do, I won't stop until the teacher has been fired. |
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| Review By: |
Brenda |
| Article Grade: |
A+ |
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Wow! Thanks for posting this story. Just last night my daughter came to me about issues with her teacher cutting her down in front of her classmates and it broke my heart. Teachers are there to help students, not hurt them or damage their minds. I spoke with the principal this morning but I still don't feel enough was done. I will present this story to them and hope they see my point of view on this. Thanks Again! |
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| Review By: |
Anonymous |
| Article Grade: |
A+ |
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I am so glad i have run across this site. I was beginning to think i was the only one who was going through this right now. My son just started kindergarten and the teachers assistant has been bullying him from day one. I know my child has little flaws when it comes to listening at times,but what 6yr old boy doesn't at times. The situation has gone above and beyond that though. When issues occur in class, the other childs side is taken and my son is told that he is not telling the truth. I have caught her in a lie several times and even went to the councelor and principal but they all cover for each other. It becomes a stressful situation as a parent and also for your child. My son is a very bright student and i am worried that this is going to affect his schoolwork because it is to the point where he is afraid of her because of the way she treats him. Since his school won't do anything about her i am taking it higher and going to the board of education. My son has nightmares. |
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| Review By: |
Anonymous |
| Article Grade: |
A+ |
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This year my son has a friend that is being bullied by their teacher. she belittles him, humiliates him, calls him names and gives him poor grades. oh and also gives him aci for the dumbest things. on back to school night my husband and I got to meet this woman. Would you believe that she made a point of telling us that " you can tell which kids I have problems with. their parents didn't come tonight." implying that its their parents fault. and she said alot of other things too. i don't know what my son's friend's parents have done to solve this but i feel for the kid. my son is doing a anti-bullying project for his school and this information will help alot. thank you |
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| Review By: |
Anonymous |
| Article Grade: |
A+ |
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Thank you for posting this article. I have my son in private Quaker school to protect him from the pervasive abuse I received at three public schools in Massachusetts. Unfortunately, teacher bullying has persued us even here. The teacher in question is abusive of all students, yelling, humiliating, and arbitrarily changing her mind so all the students are confused. She has 30 years of experience and comes from Catholic school, so all complaints are treated as though she is a misunderstood saint, and those sinful children are to blame. Some students are more viciously abused than others, not mine however, so I am not sure how to handle it. It is wrong, no matter who it is happening to. All I have done so far is defend my own son, who, although the whole class suffers, has developed a tick and a nervous cough. He also cries regularly and is terrified of her and of failure. Not exactly what you pay for at a Friends school. |
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| Review By: |
Anonymous |
| Article Grade: |
A+ |
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My child gets threatened with exclusion by the head at his school practically every week, for minor things like tapping a pencil or sniffing in class, I know he isn't an angel but he's not a naughty boy either. Each time their is a chance of my child joining a sports team within the school the head promises my son a place and then at the last minute tells him he can't have a place because he talked in assembly or had an argument with a classmate (usually best of mates again by the end of it)
I spoken to the head on numerous occasions about how he treats my son and things get better for a short time then start again. Where do I go from here, I feel he is singled out and picked on. |
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| Review By: |
Fed up |
| Article Grade: |
A+ |
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My child is going through this right now and of course, I wrote a letter to the teacher and sent a copy to the principal. They said it was a misunderstanding or my child took it wrong. The teacher was hateful to me and they said that the teacher was joking, well she wasn't. My son doesn't want to go to school, has been depressed and has had loss of appetite, sleep and stomach aches. |
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| Review By: |
Middle School Mom |
| Article Grade: |
A+ |
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Thank You for posting this article. Oh my gosh I thought my daughter and I were alone.My heart breaks for each of these students and parents. I had to second guess my daughter.It was a burden I was carrying for a while. She was given a 0 on a important test by her teacher and she only learned of this grade 3 days after the test. She had been told she recieved this grade for talking during the test with another student. Her teacher told me my daughter had been warned several times. My daughter said she never said anything and was never warned. The test came home with the big ZERO,and a little note attached saying "Retake not allowed". If the students get less than a A they have a second chance to try and bring up their grade with a retake. We were also told by this teacher that she chose not to write my daughter up with a referal. I've been to the Principle and the Super along with many other complaining parents about this teacher regarding inappropriate topics during classroom time. Nothing has been done. I am watching my daughter closely. She has a hard time sleeping,doesn't want to go to this class,stressed,lack of interest in doing her class work, does'nt want to go to school.She is a A/B student and takes pride in her work. We have been dealing with a D-/F since Sept.all other grades are A's and B's. I can't believe the district is not looking into this problem.This teacher is only a 2-year teacher and teachers to a college level that our children have a hard time deciphering.Huge number of students are failing.What can you do when it's the teachers word against your childs?
I hope that some kind of policy will be established to protect our children. This could hurt them for life. |
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| Review By: |
very upset |
| Article Grade: |
A+ |
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i have a 8 year old son that has come home upset due to a teacher pushing him to sit on his chair and banging in to a table i have already had a meeting about this and she said she poked him well in my eyes no one should even touch my son she apologized then next day i was told by two children in my sons class and another parent that the teacher actually pushed him i am very angry and upset by this i am now looking into other ways to sort the situation as i have also heard she has also hurt another boy in my sons class i hope i can resolve this as my son only has til july left at that school and i want the last few months to be happily remembered |
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| Review By: |
Parent tired of the system |
| Article Grade: |
A+ |
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First let me say the great teachers don't get paid enough, while the ones who dont' like their job get paid to much.
I have a 17 year old a Junior in a public school system. I am just plain tired of listening to. Teachers dont' get enough money they are always over worked. You choose this job.
Teachers work far less hours then parents in most cases,Divide the number of hours a teacher who hates their job and does the school day only by the pay pretty good work if I do say so myself. Now those teachers who put in the extra time and effort, don't get enough pay or credit.
Yet Parents are helping with hours and hours of homework, so we are home schooling our children in many cases. Homework takes more time then the kid spent in class? Only to come home telling me they watched a movie for 2 hours in school?
I think all school systems should make public information on the following.
NO Student names involved.
Teachers Name
Class they teach
# of students in the class
# of students in class with
A
B
C
D
Fail
When the teachers have a higher fail rate then passing rate. The problem isn't the student
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| Review By: |
A teacher |
| Article Grade: |
D+ |
| Article Review: |
It is easy to see where many of the misunderstandings arise between teachers / students and parents reading the comments above. OK there are some "bad apples" but when you read of students having multiple problems with different teachers, or investigated claims that show no evidence of bullying - you begin to wonder is it the student's problems and the parents have no objective view - only a thought |
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